The pulsating music in the background is giving you a headache, so you rush to the corner, pull out your phone and OUT OF NOWHERE, your ex texts you with: Hi.
What would YOU do?
Breadcrumbs ex’s send
In the world of dating, these insignificant messages from your ex, after your breakup, are what we call — breadcrumbs.
In most scenarios, your ex is just seeing if you are still available. If you still reply with enthusiasm and urgency.
If you still want her back.
Now, I know that you likely haven’t had much energy since the breakup happened.
She was the reason you woke up EVERY SINGLE DAY with a smile on your face and now that she’s starting to drift, you can’t really rationalize what’s going on.
“It feels so unreal, but it’s actually happening.”
It’s killed you that she’s moving on and you are afraid of losing her, potentially forever, but staying at home on a Saturday night, just makes you feel like SHIT.
I know you want her back, but it’s what you do in these moments that confirms to her whether you are desperate for her, or if you are a confident man that knows his worth.
When she sends these breadcrumbs, she’s determining this (subconsciously) by if you reply and how you reply.
In most cases, these texts don’t mean much and carry no weight at all. Just like breadcrumbs.
Take the above story example.
An attractive man out with his friends on a Saturday night won’t feel any urge to reply. He’s out. He’s with his friends.
He’s going through a breakup, but he knows there’s other women on earth. He knows that it’s her loss. Not his.
Remember, she’s likely at home bored, but wants the comfort that you aren’t out with another woman. That she is still your priority. Your reply gives her that comfort.
The correct decision would be to do nothing and ignore that text.
Because it is a breadcrumb and usually it doesn’t do any good to reply.
The harsh truth: your ex wants to know if you still want them, while they take their time and decide if THEY WANT YOU.
Breadcrumbs are a form of playing games
I know, I know.
“No Payam, my situation is unique. What we had was real and she doesn’t play those type of games, I know her.”
Ah, the classic rookie mistake.
She doesn’t play games, huh?
- She doesn’t want to be with you.
- Maybe she even told you she isn’t attracted to you anymore.
- Perhaps she’s dating a new guy.
So, please justify why she’s still texting you? Do you see the logic?
The harsh reality: My friend, we all play games. You, me, even the cashier at the supermarket. All of us. When you are strategic, it’s a form of game-playing.
As tempting as it is to talk to your ex, think twice before replying to one of these breadcrumbs from your ex.
Now if you’ve cheated, well, I would start here first:
The easiest way to be prepared is to know what some of these are ahead of time.
Breadcrumbs ex’s send and what to do about it
If you haven’t received a breadcrumb text yet, just be mentally prepared that this could happen and don’t just take any text as a sign that they want you back.
I know you feel like you can’t live without her right now, but it’s in your best interest to be aware of this, just in case it happens.
Common breadcrumbs ex’s send:
- What’s up
- What are you doing?
- What are you up to?
- Random emoji with no context
- Sending a link with no context
- Sending an image/meme/gif with no context
What to do when you get a breadcrumb text:
Anytime you receive one of these breadcrumb text messages and you aren’t sure if it warrants a reply, apply the 3-Step Reply Framework:
Step 1: Picture yourself giving advice to a friend
Close your eyes and imagine your close friend in your exact shoes.
Step 2: Ask yourself:
If a friend of mine with the exact same breakup story came to me for advice about a text he just received from his ex, would I tell them that’s a breadcrumb?
Step 3: What advice would you give them?
When we give advice to our friends, there’s no emotion. It’s pure logic. The funny thing is, asking yourself what you would tell a friend, helps you give yourself a better answer as to whether it’s a breadcrumb.
If the answer is yes, then that’s a breadcrumb text. A meaningless text just to see where they stand with you (or just because they are bored sitting at home drinking a chai latte).
You will experience a ton of confusion at times when you are assessing whether or not a text is in fact, a breadcrumb.
Apply the 3-Step Reply Framework and try to relax as best as you can.
I can’t stress enough how being prepared ahead of time will prevent you from making a mistake at this crucial stage. Review the list of the most common breadcrumbs so that you will be ready if you see it.
Your preparation will pay off, trust me on this one.
One more thing. It’s very natural to be in the clouds right now and think your ex can’t do any wrong. That she’s perfect. Flawless. Incapable of hurting a fly.
This happens ALL THE TIME after a breakup.
I would caution you to fall into that trap of becoming blinded by reality. Your ex at the end of the day, is a human being. She doesn’t want you back. It’s in your best interest to view these texts from a logical perspective as opposed to an emotional one.
If you are unsure about what to do and on the fence about replying, just don’t reply. It’s OK. You don’t have to.
Remind yourself that she doesn’t want to be with you right now.
When you get that eventual breadcrumb text, enjoy it. Let it remind you that you don’t have to reply and that right now you owe her her nothing.
“Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.”
— Leonardo da Vinci
What type of breadcrumbs do you get? Comment below and I’ll reply with my thoughts.