Put your phone down. Stop asking your friends for advice. Get off Reddit.
This is how to get your ex back.
Listen, to get your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend back the reality is that you will have to do the opposite of what your intuition is guiding you to do.
Want to text them? Probably best if you don’t.
Want to ask them to give you another chance? I wouldn’t do that.
Want to drive to their place to go talk to them? Please don’t.
Take George Costanza from Seinfeld, for example.
In other words, most of what you think you should do… is incorrect.
Things to say to get your ex back – be standoffish and pleasant
The secret sauce to getting your ex back is a 50/50 attitude that is both standoffish and pleasant.
When you’re pleasant, people naturally want to be around you. That is basic human nature.
When you’re standoffish, your demeanor comes off as distant or subtly cold.
But when you mix these two together?
Become the person your ex can’t live without
Why? Let’s do an exercise.
Think back to when you first met your ex.
You probably saw them at a party or in a bar, matched with them on a dating app, or met them through friends, right?
But what was your first thought?
My guess is you probably saw them and thought, “Who is that?”
The power of curiosity
Who are they? Where are they from? Are they in a relationship?
These are all questions we subconsciously ask ourselves when we see someone and initially feel attracted to them.
If you know everything about someone, that’s boring AF! That isn’t motivating. That isn’t attractive.
Merriam-Webster defines curiosity as, having a desire to learn or know more about something or someone.
You see, the more you communicate with your ex, the more they get turned off.
You can’t attract someone by texting or calling 24/7. That’s unattractive and they are left with nothing to be curious about… because they know everything.
However, if you take longer than usual to reply to a text/call/email or simply don’t reply, that’s a sharp difference in your attitude and they will begin to wonder why.
They become curious.
So when you see guides on ‘how to get your ex back fast by text message’ – remember, the secret is sometimes to never send the text in the first place.
The bottom line
If you pair this standoffish attitude with being pleasant then it becomes very powerful. You may engage in a conversation here or there, but you do so minimally.
- You become cordial, yet succinct in your conversations.
- You become consistent, yet unpredictable.
- You become friendly, yet distant.
You say what’s necessary and do so with a smile, but you don’t talk about personal topics.
You talk about general stuff: weather, the game last night, the traffic, etc.
In other words, when you see them, you smile. You say hello as you walk by. You treat them professionally.
You talk to them like a coworker.
This attitude is the foundation of getting your ex back, because remember, they broke up with YOU and YOU want THEM back. To show courage and strength is attractive.
Of course, this attitude should only remain in place until they start engaging with you again and showing interest.
Once that happens, you can slowly return to your default self.
This is essentially the ‘how to get your ex back wikiHow.’
Use the information wisely!
Payam Pakmanesh, is the author of getsecondchance.com. He’s fanatical about self-improvement and growing as a person. Sign up for his newsletter and receive a free copy of his e-book “Get Your Ex Back: 5 Texts You Should Never, Ever Send,” about how to respark that attraction and what you shouldn’t do before you lose your ex forever.